I don’t know how to feel right now
But I feel uneasy
One minute I’m happy
The next minute I’m depressed again
I try to get out thinking negative
And hoping for the worst
But it seems the worst is all I bring out
I may not have that bad of a life
But life overall is too hard…
I can’t win and I’m gonna accept that.
My relationship was the happiness I thought could take me from a dark place
However these glimpses of my past
And these mistakes in the present
Are pushing him further from me
Once I gained him I knew I could be happy
That we could be happy
All this dude needs is someone to love him right and that’s all I wanna do
But you see I’m young
I’ve never had a love like this
I always thought I knew I could handle a real relationship, that I could make my dude satisfied no matter what
But now that it’s in my face and I’m put on the spot
I’m nothing but confused, hurt, and scared
Confused as to why I can’t make him happy even though he’s my happiness
Hurt as to the acknowledgement of his distrust in me
Scared of what the future holds… Is it him leaving me?
I’ve been trying to run from my past but I have to remember my past is still me…
The same guy who holds my mistakes, my speed, my abilities, and my flaws.
My past has been running right next to me reminding me of the depression I’ve lived with
The guilts and hardships I’ve experienced
My past convinces me that any hope of a better future is idiotic
Idiotic because of who I am
And who I am no one will never understand because I can’t be explained… I can’t explain myself I should say….
I can’t explain anything………
I’ve been wanting out of life
Off of earth
Out of reality
I haven’t enjoyed life since I’ve left my adolescent years…
Once I got exposed to what things truly are every day I’ve wanted out….
Idk this is why I hide it all in my head…. I
Need to let it out but I keep it away….